Why when i’m suppose to be at my highest, i feel like my lowest? :(
Why do bad stuff always seems to come at the same time? Or is it because i don’t see it when i’m happy? Well then it’s been way too long since i haven’t been happy… I mean i am happy from time to time, but never worries less.
And it doesn’t matter how hard i try to make things better, i just seem to never be good enough.. All i do is try to be the best at whatever it is that i do, make the people i care of love me. But why is it it’s never enough??? Or is it me who’s not trying hard enough? But i do try tho.. I mean that’s what i think.. And then at some point it always goes wrong. And again i lose myself in the process.
All i’ve ever been taught of is to be the best, there is no other option. That in life, you’re either a winner or a loser. But how come no matter how hard i try.. I still always feel like a loser? :( why can’t i like other people, be good, be beautiful, be loved by the people they love?
All i do is disappointing the people i love :(
Why can’t someone fall for me? What’s so wrong about me? Why am i always always a second choice, but never chosen…
Why can’t being number 1 be something natural for me?
Why do i always have to go through all the pain?
I try, again and again. Then darker and darker i get.
I guess i’m just too much of a dreamer.. Life ain’t as beautiful as i wish it was, and it’s stupid of me keeping on hoping because i already know that..
And everyday i just hate myself for that.
Ahhh i wish i could write or express how i actually feel but what’s the point if this? Someone once told me it would make me feel better… But it honestly just makes me feel more angry!
I guess i’m just going through a dark time right? Under quiet lot of pressure, and sentimental disappointments.. The more i go through these phases and the more i think to myself why is it i’m still not heartless yet??? Why am i so stupid..
Ummm oh my god i just realized i just typed so much shit and it prbly doesnt even make sense… I’ll leave it on till tomorrow tho, would be funny reading it again i guess.. Or not?